


Paddock Pass

by Eknodine (Eknomind)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Funny, M/M, Nude Photos, Pranks, Singing, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 08:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7041388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eknomind/pseuds/Eknodine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of short (and somewhat silly) fics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kimi smiled to himself when he saw Sebastian prancing around the paddock, singing something as he always liked to do when he was happy. Kimi contemplated the thought of getting an ice cream, but before he could move, he was met by a very red Valtteri Bottas.  
“You should cool down, you are the same color as my car,” Kimi joked.  
“So would you be, if you heard your team mate right now,” Valtteri huffed. Kimi raised an eyebrow.  
“I’m not going to say those thing to you. Just please go and stop him before he bumps into any Finnish media.”  
Kimi decided to run after Sebastian.

“ _En tiedä, miksi kiihottaa, tuo yhtä pitkä kuin leveä nainen_ ,” Sebastian sung, gathering quite a many looks. Kimi stopped dead on his steps, not quite believing his ears. He stepped in as Sebastian was beginning a new verse.  
“ _Minä sinulle tehdä jos saisin_ -”  
“Seb, for the love of god, please stop singing.” Sebastian pouted.  
“Fine, kill the mood. Am I really that bad?”  
“No. It’s just… Do you have any idea what you were singing about?” Kimi questioned.  
“No. It just sounded nice and it’s Finnish,” Sebastian answered, looking very confused.  
“Well, congratulations then. You just announced your love of fat women to the whole world!” the Finn said and burst into laughter. Now they were really the center of everyone’s attention. Certainly a field day for media, getting shots of the Iceman laughing uncontrollably at extremely red and embarrassed Sebastian Vettel.

Later, Kimi translated the song to Sebastian as well as he could.  
“But… It was on the radio! Why on earth would you play that on radio?” Sebastian groaned. Kimi shrugged.  
“It’s a popular band.”  
“Do they write anything not weird and embarrassing?”  
“Nope.” Sebastian buried his head to his hands.  
“Scheiße,” he cursed, “I’ve been singing their songs all weekend!” Kimi laughed again and earned a playful smack from Sebastian.  
“It’s not funny!”  
“Yes it is. I quite enjoyed your dirty songs, but maybe next time just you and me,” Kimi said and winked, “I might even teach you something new!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is singing "Sopivasti Lihava" by Leevi and the Leavings, whose songs are very popular in Finland and more often than not somewhat sexual and always a bit weird.
> 
> En tiedä, miksi kiihottaa, tuo yhtä pitkä kuin leveä nainen = I don't know why it makes me aroused  
> A woman as wide as tall
> 
> Minä sinulle tehdä jos saisin = If I could do to you
> 
> Whole lyrics with translations can be found [here](http://lyricstranslate.com/en/sopivasti-lihava-fat-good-way.html).


	2. Prank Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is a well-known prankster. Kimi accepts the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was previously posted on tumblr, but let's add it here for everyone to enjoy.

Kimi had known that Sebastian liked to prank people back in Red Bull. He had not, however, expected Sebastian to try that with Ferrari, let alone against him. Kimi had no other option than accept the challenge when he woke up at 5 AM since someone had set about 20 different alarms around his hotel room, some of which were hidden, one required him to complete a jigsaw puzzle and one launched itself to the opposite end of the room when he attempted to press snooze. Kimi turned at the track at early record, but his boss wasn’t too impressed as Kimi was too tired to give any interesting feedback.

The next day when Sebastian returned to his room after a long shower, he noticed that someone had put all of his stuff inside balloons. He spent hours looking for clean underwear. He found his phone from a balloon that was suspiciously shaped like a dick. He noticed that he had a new text from Kimi.  
 _Enjoy your surprise!_ -Kimi  
If Kimi wanted a war, he would get one.

In Australia, Sebastian had to muffle a laugh when he heard Kimi confessing to his physio.   
“I think I’m getting fat,” Kimi said, pointing at how his shirt seemed very tight around his tummy.  
“Kimi we talked about this. You weigh less than last time,” Mark tried to comfort him.  
“But none of my clothes fit anymore!” Mark looked thoughtful at that.  
“Is it all your clothes or just the Ferrari ones?”  
“How did you- SHIT,” Kimi cursed, “This isn’t my shirt, is it?”

Sebastian was having an enthusiastic conversation with Maurizio when he felt a very cold hand against his back. He let out a very girly scream and made a weird dance, trying to get rid of the feeling. Once he recovered from his shock, he could see Kimi laughing whole-heartedly. Sebastian gave him the most accusing look he could.  
“What, it was only a pat in the back!” Kimi said, trying to stop laughing. Sebastian had to surrender the prank war when someone sent him a video showing him scream and jump around, stating that the video would go viral if he tried to retaliate. Sebastian made sure to never underestimate the Iceman again.


	3. Wanna Bet on That?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Imagine Your OTP's prompt "Imagine your OTP playing video games, and person a is really upset because person b just keeps killing them" ([x](http://imagine-otps.tumblr.com/post/127678611994/imagine-your-otp-playing-video-games-and-person-a))

_Iceman sniped you_  
“Fuck!” Sebastian cursed at the words that had appeared on his screen. This was like the tenth time the same player had killed him and Sebastian was totally done with the whole game just because of that one douche who kept appearing in the same lobbies as he did. He ended up sending a really angry message to the player only known as _Iceman_. The guy was really famous, but no one knew anything about him, as he never answered to any in game messages and didn’t seem to upload his gaming Youtube or Twitch. And yet, everyone knew him because he was really that good.

_Iceman sent you a message:  
Don’t play in the big boys’ server if you can’t take it._

Sebastian didn’t really expect any kind of answer and he felt kind of ashamed of his outburst earlier. Iceman was right, of course. He was playing with some of the most experienced players out there and getting massacred was something he knew would happen. Still, it would have been nice to not be owned by the same person over and over again.

_Sorry about earlier. I’m on your home ground and guess what? I’ll be handing your ass to you sooner than you’d expect. –FingerBoy87_

_Iceman: Wanna bet on that?_   
_FingerBoy87: Sure. Loser sends a nude._   
_Iceman: Start posing. You have one week._

Sebastian was so losing this challenge. Iceman was way too good and he had only a couple of hours left. The guy was actually being quite fair, spending plenty of time on the servers, giving Sebastian plenty of attempts on his virtual life. Sebastian could just as well start thinking about his pose. He climbed up to a roof for one final assault and saw Iceman on the alley below him, with low health. **BOOM**. Sebastian watched his character fall down right next to Iceman before whoever shot him took Iceman’s life as well.

_Iceman: Time’s up kid. Got closer than expected._  
 _You sent a picture to Iceman_  
Sebastian buried his head to his hands. He had been so close!  
 _Iceman: I gotta admit, didn’t expect you to do it! You’re actually really cute._  
 _FingerBoy87: REALLY?_  
 _Iceman: Yup. Wanna play some time again? You beat me, I’ll send a photo._  
 _FingerBoy87: Watch out, this time I’ll get you!_

**Author's Note:**

> Sebastian is singing "Sopivasti Lihava" by Leevi and the Leavings, whose songs are very popular in Finland and more often than not somewhat sexual and always a bit weird.
> 
> En tiedä, miksi kiihottaa, tuo yhtä pitkä kuin leveä nainen = I don't know why it makes me aroused  
> A woman as wide as tall
> 
> Minä sinulle tehdä jos saisin = If I could do to you
> 
> Whole lyrics with translations can be found [here](http://lyricstranslate.com/en/sopivasti-lihava-fat-good-way.html).


End file.
